| Kate Upton vs Marilyn Monroe | |
|---|---|
| |
| Battle information | |
| Release date | October 28, 2015 |
| Number | 12 |
| Timeline | |
| Previous | Historical Assassins vs Assassin's Creed |
| Next | ZONE-Tan vs Michael Bay |
| Other information | |
| Rappers |     
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| Cameos | Jessica Nigri's Lugia |
| Location(s) | Beach Stage Runway Russian Cliff Pallet Town |
Kate Upton vs Marilyn Monroe is the twelfth battle of Alanomaly Rap Battles. It features Sports Illustrated model, Kate Upton, battling supermodel and actress, Marilyn Monroe, while also featuring mixed model, Tyra Banks, Russian model, Irina Shayk, and New Zealand cosplaying gamer girl, Jessica Nigri.
Lyrics[]
Kate Upton[]
Hello there, Norma Jean, can I give you a lesson?
I'll teach you how The Other Woman will stomp on Miss Mortenson,
You're a misfit, you'll need better methods than from Actors Studios,
I'll Bother to Knock you harder than your barbituate overdose!
Call this battle Westward Village Memorial, cause I'll bury you today,
And have rhymes so cloaked with meaning, they'll be the opposite of lingerie!
My raps are so fly, you'll remodel your Radioplanes after them,
Crush you harder than your career in the collapse of the studio system.
I'm the sexiest woman of 2014, you're a 1960's drama queen
Without any children, not marriage one, two, or three!
This ain't 1952, bitch, keep up with the times!
Ditch Joe DiMaggio, and get start getting Billy Wild!
You'll break mirrors with that face, and get a Seven Year Itch,
You act like quite a dick for one who'll never get one to twitch!
Marilyn Monroe[]
I'll hold you down like my skirt, Kate, and push you back to Melbourne,
Those leaked nudes of yours? Cause the haters to yell, "Whore!"
Slash you up with words like my name was Marilyn Manson,
My fans have too high standards for you, they moved to Scarlett Johannson!
I played as the dumb blondes, that's sure to be where you got your inspiration,
Go back to licking penisicles on your Sports Illustrations!
This isn't the Game of War, you're not this battle's centerpiece,
Your outfit for that game? You looked like a warmongering Socrates.
You're overshadowed by a Mann and Diaz Masks you,
The greatest modeling catastrophe born in 1992.
You're a phony, full of baloney, go back to your horse, Roanie,
Or get yourself an acting career on My Little Pony
As an Equestrian Girl, even though you're not Dazzling,
While my work causes so much penis grappling!
(The background and the beat change to a white runway in a black studio, and Tyra Banks steps forward.)
Tyra Banks[]
Bitches, please, Banks is here, so cash your checks to me,
I've been working that hallway like a runway since I was fifteen.
I first appeared with Will Smith, so I'm as Fresh as the Prince.
These two are who I'm facing? I've stepped into some Monkey Business!
You both show off more boobs than TZONE-Tan's archives,
Mooning everyone out there like the audience on St. Valentines!
Top-billed actress just for only one decade?
You should go back to your grave, do what you do best now: decay.
And you're a cover model, then cover up your face,
Cause I can't stand to see it on the same cover I was once placed.
Try to Shake It Up a bit, cause you ain't about that FABLife.
It's only pervs and not fans who would by some cut outs, Life-Size!
I Viewed, I Talked, I was being for Real in this insulting Social.
And I rock this battle like I did the Cannes Film Festival.
(The background and the beat change to a coast-side cliff, and Irina Shayk turns around to the three women.)
Irina Shayk[]
I model my rhymes in a way that makes you quake,
Get crushed by the Russian Tatar by the name of Irina Shayk.
I was urged to participate, so I'm a shoe-in for a win,
Drop a golden hammer, and bring pride to the Soviet Union!
Hmm, let's see, who all do we have here in front of me?
Kate the rookie, Norma Jeane, and Miss Ugly Duckling.
I Rock the movie Hercules harder than Disney ever could,
I'm not Russian with my lines but I make blood start Russian to the wood!
Your rhymes are whack, bottom model, girls, they just don't Clique.
You're so far under me, Mary, make like Cleopatra, kiss my clit.
This isn't going to be Vanity Fair, Kate, I'm explicit like a Renaissance Fair,
Just look up to me, you glare, my beauty's a snare causing all men to stare!
None of you women are a match for Shaykhlislamova,
Cause my appearance and raps are both hotter than a super Unova!
(The cliff is struck by lightning. The smoke clears and Pallet Town is shown. Jessica Nigri comes into the scene riding on Lugia, and climbs off. The beat changes.)
Jessica Nigri[]
A wild Jessica Nigri appeared and is up for a Poke-Battle!
Use a Lollipop Chainsaw to cut through our beef like it was cattle!
I don't squash it, I'd rather jump into a wagon full of hay,
Then Crab Lady walk myself out of the scene, visit lands far away!
Hottest female YouTuber, I can bring shame to Jenna Marbles,
I'd drop her and you all down a canyon like some cleavage sparkles!
When the boys see me, they say things like "Let me get a peek atchu!"
When the boys see you four, they say "Nah, I prefer the Sexy Pikachu!"
Do people drool when they see these four fools? I say nada.
I survive the same city Johnny Cash shot a man in. Nevada.
If you thought nerds couldn't be hot, you need to Google the name Nigri.
Someone who adores me? This series' creator. That's right, Alanomaly!
You think it's stable where you stand, you dont' wanna mess with Jessy then,
Cause Nigri will make all these bitches blast off again!
Poll[]
Trivia[]
- This is the first Alanomaly Rap Battle to be entirely female.
- This is the third Alanomaly Rap Battle to have a character break the fourth wall, following Johnny 5 vs Clatprap and Ben 10 vs The Doctor 2:
- Jessica Nigri references the fact that the creator of the series, Alanomaly, has a crush on her.